My life before baby George was different. My husband Ivan and I use to travel the world, go out any time, dance the night away, go to a movie and just do things spontaneously. Ivan and I would go out to eat or to a cool new show. I use to go out on my own and go shopping. We hung out with our friends.
Things sure change when you have a baby. Suddenly, you’re stuck at home with a baby and thinking What the hell did I get myself into?! I had a C-section, so I didn’t go out much at the beginning since I was in pain. Dealing with trying to go down the stairs without hurting too much and getting used to taking care of a baby was hard, but you take those pain pills and learn as you go along since you don’t remember anything you read in the books.
Slowly, I have been mourning my old life. I think it has been one of the most difficult things for me to deal with. It’s been such a big life change. Everyday is consumed with being with baby George and taking care of him. I kept thinking when am I going to get my next shower. I didn’t get a haircut for months. I feel guilty because I don’t get to hang out with my friends. Sure, I want to.. but somehow I just don’t get around to doing it. Ivan had to make me go out since I stayed home a lot. It was weird to venture out into the world again.
I’d fall asleep during breastfeeding dreaming I was on a beach enjoying the sun and drinking a tasty cocktail. I woke up and somehow I fell asleep since I was so tired. I do love my sleep. Before, I used to sleep until noon. I was waking up once a night to feed George and not getting much sleep at the beginning. I wasn’t prepared to how tired I would be with interrupted sleep. I’ve never been so tired in my life. I was definitely a walking zombie for a month or so.
I’m so glad for Ivan since he cooked, cleaned and helped out so much when I was in pain and couldn’t do much. I’m not sure I did my fair share the first couple months of George’s life. I was still adjusting to being a mum and trying to feel normal again. My emotions were everywhere. I was sad that my old life was really going away and dealing with postpartum depression.
Nowadays, going out with George is easy enough with some preparation. I can’t forgot to pack the diaper bag with the millions of things we might need (I’m an overpacker because you never know when you’ll need a band-aid!). I pack in plenty of diapers, a change of clothes, bibs, wipes, lots of toys, food, a blanket, a jacket (just in case) and snacks for me and Ivan. It was nice when George was a few months younger, because he would sleep in the car seat when we went out to eat at restaurants. We bought a chair that hooks onto the table, so he could sit with us. Unfortunately, George usually doesn’t like it – so, Ivan and I hold him while we feed him and also when we eat.
We’ve been lucky enough to have a few babysitters, so we can actually go out by ourselves. These lucky date nights have been great. It gives me a glimpse of our old life. I enjoy every second of it since it makes me feel good. A few weeks ago, Ivan and I went dancing for the first time since George was born. We went to see Disclosure at Daylight.
It was fun to dance like I didn’t have a care in the world.
My Old life has now been replaced by George’s laugh, playing with George out in the garden (backyard), feeding George dinner and watching him learn and grow.
I’m a lucky girl! My life is fulfilling, sometimes tiring and full of fun, craziness and new adventures. Sayonara, old life – it was nice knowing you. I hope to visit you again someday soon.
Photo Credit – Gravestone clipart by Cliparts.co – edited by me